You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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