How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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