just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just cut my nipple shaving
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
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