You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
