ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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