you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
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