if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
