At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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