u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
