I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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