I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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