yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
