I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
