I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
