At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
