Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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