I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
