D3 body, D1 cock
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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