I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
There r osticjed everywhere
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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