those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
