Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
