i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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