It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I need moral support for this bender
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
