I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
It's just like the Real World with babies
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
