man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
