I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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