I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
