i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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