I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
