As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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