Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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