The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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