i jhust puked up my retainher.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
