yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
