it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i drank out of a bidet.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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