he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
