There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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