Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
