You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
