Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
