It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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