last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
