So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
