how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
