is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
