She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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