Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
