After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
