You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
