If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
