38 yer olds are good kisserssss
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
