hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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